Rachel Wexler, 50, real estate professional, divorce coach, and mother to three sits down with us to talk loss, love, and starting over. Rachel is the founder of Compassionate Divorce Coaching where she helps others through some of the toughest times of their lives. In real estate, she has also won several awards including 3 Gold Salesmaster Awards. We are humbled by your excellence, Rachel!
Can you share how your divorce affected you?
The divorce after 20 years of marriage (25 years together) and 3 teenagers knocked the wind out of me. I never saw it coming. Neither of our parents had divorced… and it just wasn’t an option I’d ever really considered. It terrified me and led me to fear both my emotional and financial future and made me question my ability to trust myself as a good judge of character.
After the divorce, what drove you to start a new career in real estate?
In 2014, necessity drove me to my career in real estate. I had been a stay at home mom for many years, due to kids and husband’s work schedule and travel.
I needed to go back to work, but my field (Marketing/PR) had changed drastically since I had last worked. I got my real estate license in 2015 and never looked back! I love real estate and found out that I was good at it. I never would have pursued this when I was married as my ex had convinced me that I wasn’t smart enough when it came to the financial piece… and I believed him! Luckily, I had the cushion of alimony to allow me to build up my business to a point where it could sustain me. They say it normally takes three years to make any money at all from real estate. Every year since I got my license, I have beaten my sales from the previous year, even during Covid! I did $5.7 million last year and am on track to beat that once again this year.
What challenges did you have to overcome in starting this new career?
The biggest challenge was convincing myself that I could succeed. Coming out of a relationship with a narcissist, you have big issues with trust… especially with yourself. I had to “reinvent” myself to my community as a working, single mom… and to my kids as someone who now had to make a career one of my priorities, so we could be prepared for the future.
What do you do to get through hard times?
Throughout my whole journey, I’ve had an amazing therapist who gets it, has a great sense of humor, and gets me! She encouraged me to find support in whatever ways felt right. In the beginning, I hung meaningful quotes on all of my walls to remind me of where I was going, where I had been, and just to be kind to myself whenever I needed to. I also love to write, so for several years I wrote an anonymous blog about divorce and starting over. And I won’t lie… a nice glass of wine doesn’t hurt either 😉
You decided to start another business to help women avoid some of the issues you had in your divorce. Tell us about it.
Divorce Coaching was something I stumbled on, but as soon as I found it, I knew that it was something I was meant to do. I am what I needed when I went through my divorce eight years ago. You don’t know what you don’t know. I made a lot of mistakes and got a lot of bad advice. I never want anyone to have to go through that alone, like I did. I help people navigate the process and offer them practical, logistical, and emotional support to help them find their way through a painful and emotional time. Unfortunately, while divorce is one of the most stressful things a person will go through, there’s also the “business” piece of divorce that has to be dealt with. And the decisions you make can affect you for the rest of your life.
How is your personal life since the divorce?
I am not a believer in “toxic positivity” (no, not everything happens for a reason…and sometimes life just sucks, and “thinking positively” won’t fix it!), but i DO believe that everything I went through led me to becoming a different person than I was before. It allowed me the opportunity to create a new life. The best part of my new life was finding a wonderful man to spend it with and learning what a love that is gentle and kind feels like. We have a home together and are engaged to be married next September. Between the two of us, we have five kids, all in their twenties, and all figuring out life themselves.
What are your two favorite foods?
What are your two favorite things about midlife?
Favorite things about midlife, hmmm.. that’s a hard one too! Turning 50 was a hard one for me. I guess I would say that I finally have the courage to let others know what is and isn’t working in my relationships with them and I’m looking forward to (eventually) having grandchildren that I can spoil and then give back to their parents, lol!
Thank you Rachel for taking the time and being open with us! You can check out what Rachel is up to at www.compassionatedivorcecoaching.com.